This just makes me laugh. Hope you enjoy it too.
Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday Funnies
No history lesson today because I just had to post this Sunday Funny -- it has been too long since I've come across a video that is worth watching numerous times -- enjoy and have a good laugh today!
Tomorrow will be another day for more history lessons.
Tomorrow will be another day for more history lessons.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Spring Cleaning
A Ritual of Spring -- Words of Wisdom from Sheila Moss, Humor Columnist
Ah, Spring is here! Hormones surge... instinct takes over.. a woman's thoughts turn to... HOUSE CLEANING! Yes, it's true! Dust is in the air. It is time to celebrate the honored ritual of spring house cleaning.
It must be a primitive nesting instinct, the urge to renew and revive. Suddenly it becomes apparent that your house resembles a college dorm room.
Here are a few of the tell-tell signs.
~~Your front door has more fingerprints than the FBI.
~~The dust mites are having an anniversary party under your bed.
~~You are wearing clothes from the floor of the closet - inside out
~~Your family is eating off paper plates so you don't have to open the cabinets.
~~You need a gas mask when you open the refrigerator.
~~The kids can't find their toys -- in fact they can't find the toy box.
~~The garbage disposal is coughing.
~~You can't find the cordless phone unless it rings.
~~You can't turn on the ceiling fan without creating a dust storm.
~~Your chore for the day is to find the vacuum cleaner bags -- and the vacuum cleaner.
~~The remote control has been lost in a sofa crack since the end of football season.
~~The kitty litter is a concrete block.
~~The cat has been missing for three days.
~~There is something solid and black in the bottom of the coffeepot.
~~You can't decide whether to clean the windows or just buy mini blinds.
~~The dog has offered to loan you his doghouse.
~~The mail hasn't been opened since last tax season.
~~The piles of magazines may fall over and bury you.
~~You are afraid to turn on the oven because bugs may be raising a family in there.
~~You wonder if a hose down would ruin the carpets.
~~There is something sprouting in the dishwasher.
~~The washing machine reminds you of a concrete mixer.
~~You introduce your kids as the three little pigs.
~~You can't go outside because fresh air makes you dizzy.
~~It seems easier to move than to clean the house.
If any of these seem slightly familiar, you too may have spring cleaning fever. The male of the species is seldom affected. Like PMS, spring cleaning fever is exclusive to the female.
Fortunately, the cure is rather simple. Apply soap and water, disinfectant, furniture polish, scouring power, grease solvent, and plenty of elbow grease and your fever will be cured in a matter of hours, with results lasting at least till the family gets home.
Ah, Spring is here! Hormones surge... instinct takes over.. a woman's thoughts turn to... HOUSE CLEANING! Yes, it's true! Dust is in the air. It is time to celebrate the honored ritual of spring house cleaning.
It must be a primitive nesting instinct, the urge to renew and revive. Suddenly it becomes apparent that your house resembles a college dorm room.
Here are a few of the tell-tell signs.
~~Your front door has more fingerprints than the FBI.
~~The dust mites are having an anniversary party under your bed.
~~You are wearing clothes from the floor of the closet - inside out
~~Your family is eating off paper plates so you don't have to open the cabinets.
~~You need a gas mask when you open the refrigerator.
~~The kids can't find their toys -- in fact they can't find the toy box.
~~The garbage disposal is coughing.
~~You can't find the cordless phone unless it rings.
~~You can't turn on the ceiling fan without creating a dust storm.
~~Your chore for the day is to find the vacuum cleaner bags -- and the vacuum cleaner.
~~The remote control has been lost in a sofa crack since the end of football season.
~~The kitty litter is a concrete block.
~~The cat has been missing for three days.
~~There is something solid and black in the bottom of the coffeepot.
~~You can't decide whether to clean the windows or just buy mini blinds.
~~The dog has offered to loan you his doghouse.
~~The mail hasn't been opened since last tax season.
~~The piles of magazines may fall over and bury you.
~~You are afraid to turn on the oven because bugs may be raising a family in there.
~~You wonder if a hose down would ruin the carpets.
~~There is something sprouting in the dishwasher.
~~The washing machine reminds you of a concrete mixer.
~~You introduce your kids as the three little pigs.
~~You can't go outside because fresh air makes you dizzy.
~~It seems easier to move than to clean the house.
If any of these seem slightly familiar, you too may have spring cleaning fever. The male of the species is seldom affected. Like PMS, spring cleaning fever is exclusive to the female.
Fortunately, the cure is rather simple. Apply soap and water, disinfectant, furniture polish, scouring power, grease solvent, and plenty of elbow grease and your fever will be cured in a matter of hours, with results lasting at least till the family gets home.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Counting Cows
My father's method of accounting for the
hundreds of cattle on his ranch was very unique. Every spring, he would move the herd down a long ramp, through a wooden gate and into a holding pen for inspection. As each animal entered the pen, he marked the count on the gate. One summer, he went to the bank to apply for a loan, using his cattle for collateral. The bank officer asked to see his records. "No problem," replied Dad. He went back to the ranch, took the gate off its hinges and brought it to the bank. Dad got the loan.
hundreds of cattle on his ranch was very unique. Every spring, he would move the herd down a long ramp, through a wooden gate and into a holding pen for inspection. As each animal entered the pen, he marked the count on the gate. One summer, he went to the bank to apply for a loan, using his cattle for collateral. The bank officer asked to see his records. "No problem," replied Dad. He went back to the ranch, took the gate off its hinges and brought it to the bank. Dad got the loan.Sunday, April 11, 2010
Laws on the Books
Obscure Michigan Laws
A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
There is a 10-cent bounty for each rat's head brought into a town office.
It is legal for a robber to file a lawsuit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.
Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Spring is Springing
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Spring.
Spring who?
I might spring on over to your house one day!
A: No, but April May.
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Spring.
Spring who?
I might spring on over to your house one day!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Spring Quotes
In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. -- Margaret Atwood
In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. -- Mark Twain
A little madness in the spring is wholesome even for the king. -- Emily Dickinson
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. -- Doug Larson
To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring. -- George Santayana
An optimist is the human personification of spring. -- Susan J. Bissonette
Spring is nature's way of saying, "let's party!" -- Robin Williams
The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful. -- e.e. cumming
Enjoy spring!
In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. -- Mark Twain
A little madness in the spring is wholesome even for the king. -- Emily Dickinson
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. -- Doug Larson
To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring. -- George Santayana
An optimist is the human personification of spring. -- Susan J. Bissonette
Spring is nature's way of saying, "let's party!" -- Robin Williams
The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful. -- e.e. cumming
Enjoy spring!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Everybody's Irish
In just a couple of days, we all put a little of the "Irish" on -- enjoy St. Patty's Day this Wednesday, and remember . . .
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Spring Fever
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch, they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said, "First question: Which tire was flat?"
Moral of the story: Maybe a walk would have been better.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said, "First question: Which tire was flat?"
Moral of the story: Maybe a walk would have been better.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Baby, It's Cold Outside
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers
Where do snowmen go to dance? Snowballs
How do snowmen travel around? By icicle
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce? A snowball
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet
How do snowmen greet each other? Ice to meet you
What do snow kids have for breakfast? Ice Krispies
What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes
What do snowmen like on their burgers? Chilly sauce
What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle
What do you call a Snowman in the Tropics? Lost
What do you call a snowman on roller blades? A snowmobile
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark? Frost bite
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a baker? Frosty the Dough-man
What do you say to a stressed snowman? Chill out
What does a Snowman take when he gets sick? A chill pill
What does a snowman’s wife put on her face at night? Cold cream
What is a Snowman’s favorite drink? Ice Tea
What kind of cakes do snowmen like? The kind with lots of frosting
What’s a snowman’s favourite Mexican food? Brrrrrr-itos
Where do snowmen keep their money? In a “Snow"bank
Why is it so cold at Christmas? Because it’s Decembrrrrrrrr
What happened when the snowgirl had an argument with the snowboy? She gave him the cold shoulder.
What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers
Where do snowmen go to dance? Snowballs
How do snowmen travel around? By icicle
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce? A snowball
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet
How do snowmen greet each other? Ice to meet you
What do snow kids have for breakfast? Ice Krispies
What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes
What do snowmen like on their burgers? Chilly sauce
What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle
What do you call a Snowman in the Tropics? Lost
What do you call a snowman on roller blades? A snowmobile
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark? Frost bite
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a baker? Frosty the Dough-man
What do you say to a stressed snowman? Chill out
What does a Snowman take when he gets sick? A chill pill
What does a snowman’s wife put on her face at night? Cold cream
What is a Snowman’s favorite drink? Ice Tea
What kind of cakes do snowmen like? The kind with lots of frosting
What’s a snowman’s favourite Mexican food? Brrrrrr-itos
Where do snowmen keep their money? In a “Snow"bank
Why is it so cold at Christmas? Because it’s Decembrrrrrrrr
What happened when the snowgirl had an argument with the snowboy? She gave him the cold shoulder.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Are we about due for a January thaw?
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