Sunday, May 31, 2009

Say What?

These are ads found across the country and gathered by a fun website that you can find here. Enjoy these.

~~Quarter horse mare. Well bread.
~~Illiterate? Write today for free help.
~~Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
~~Our experienced mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
~~Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
~~Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
~~Stock up and save. Limit: one.
~~Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
~~3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
~~Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
~~Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
~~Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
~~For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
~~Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
~~We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
~~For sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.
~~Great Dames for sale.
~~Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
~~Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
~~Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
~~Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
~~Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
~~Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
~~Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
~~Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
~~Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
~~Wanted: Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
~~And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
~~We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Fun, huh?


Ruth said...

Very funny, I laughed out loud and had a hard time reading them to my husband. I never get tired of these things - though I haven't seen most on this list. I love those old church bulletin ones too.

Love the 3-year old teacher one!

AvaMom said...

These are like listening to Headlines with Jay Leno. I might post these in my college classroom for a laugh (one of our topics is vague/ambiguous phrasing). :)